Toxic
by Phoenix Dayze
Summary: Tatsuha's been waiting a long time to finally get a chance at his dream, but will the extra sparkle he claims to need ruin his future before it begins?
1. Prologue

Toxic

By: Phoenix Dayze

(Ryuichi/Tatsuha)

NC-17

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or its characters, nor do I claim to. Although if a certain dark-haired monk wanted to give himself to me…well, let's just say I wouldn't complain.

_Nittle Grasper's **Toxic**_

_Early mornings come anew, and with each sunrise I find myself in a crowded space._

_The rocking in my head leads to choices I'd rather forget._

_But I can't forget myself._

_And deep in the scarlet passions that bleed from your skin, I quench the thirst._

_I swallow down your poisonous lies as I pretend to feel._

_Death is a sweet, sweet remedy to the sickness of the heart._

_I'm dying on the inside, a tainted man, cursed by the lust plague of a single shared night._

_What lovely fatality—Your love is toxic to me_

_Pain becomes that much sweeter, every time I bring myself to the source of contagion. _

_A trembling of weakness that never seems to still._

_I can't cure myself._

_And lost in the midnight shadows that lurk in your eyes, I catch you again._

_You eat away at my flesh like a beautiful disease._

_Death is a sweet, sweet remedy to the sickness of the heart._

_I'm dying on the inside, a tainted man, cursed by the lust plague of a single shared night._

_What lovely fatality—Your love is toxic to me_

_I'm clawing out my eyes to stop drowning in you._

_I'm sweating out the virus as I struggle for truth._

_I'm choking on the melodies that my heart sings to you._

_I'm dying more and more as I keep on falling…keep on falling for you._

_Death is a sweet, sweet remedy to the sickness of the heart._

_I'm dying on the inside, a tainted man, cursed by the lust plague of a single shared night._

_What lovely fatality—Your love is toxic to me_

_Death is a sweet, sweet remedy._

_What lovely fatality—Your love is toxic to me_

_I swallow down your poisonous lies as I pretend to feel._

Prologue 

The lights flashed. People screamed. There was sweat and tears and buckets of lust. Arousal rippled. There was an amazing high that took the roof from the rafters. Dancing. Grinding. Release of music-induced pheromones. It was Heaven and Hell. It was Nittle Grasper.

There was a boy, barely thirteen, leaning over the rail of his balcony seat. He couldn't get close enough. A hand on his shoulder. A whisper standing out among the masses. "Hey, Kid…" Standing still in the waves of ecstasy. An invitation. A promise that young ears believed.

A dark corner. Magic dust. A burning in untried nostrils. Heartbeat. Sweat. Need. Musical thrill. Soaring on the dark brand bliss.

Hands. Mouth. Confusion. Entreaty. Cold stone. Warm skin. Pain that brings undue maturity. Breaths that nearly drown out the stage. A high price for dreams that won't come true. He won't follow through.

There was a boy, barely thirteen, used, tricked into fate, eyes glazed with hope bought from the devil. And the music plays. And people dance. And a voice penetrates his ears with messages of love that no longer sound quite the same.

Hands on the rail. Tightened grip. He'll be there one day. With heavy eyes and his tainted love. And this ruined existence will have to be enough.

Tbc..


	2. Under the Influence

Toxic

By: Phoenix Dayze

(Ryuichi/Tatsuha)

NC-17

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or its characters, nor do I claim to. Although if a certain dark-haired monk wanted to give himself to me…well, let's just say I wouldn't complain.

Part One: Under the Influence 

Tatsuha laughed. It wasn't every day that you scored backstage passes to Nittle Grasper. Especially when they'd been broken up for three years while Ryuichi was doing a solo tour in America. But here it was at last, burning a hole in his hand. It had been a long, hard road, and you didn't want to know what Tatsuha had to do to get it, but it was worth it. He'd finally done it. And now, he could make his dreams come true. There was a flash of a young, naïve version of himself who'd been lured away with promises of this very thing… Tatsuha shook the images away, refusing to let one bad memory sour his prize. Besides, he'd promised himself that night that the dream that had been abused wouldn't fall by the wayside, that he would rise up and take what he wanted. And he had. Of course, his dream had changed some over the years. What was once an innocent, childlike adoration, had taken a fast, vicious turn for full-blown lust. And the things he imagined now were far more graphic than anything he'd pictured before that night. And now he finally had his chance.

He screeched his car into his usual spot at _Glitter_, a local club. Climbing out of the leather seat, he made his way inside, flashing his card at the door. He shouldn't be here, not yet. He was two days early for his weekly appointment, but the show was tonight, and Tatsuha wanted something special. He wanted to feel everything tonight. The music. The call. Ryuichi's sweat in the air. He wanted to fly.

He grinned as a slender arm encircled his shoulders and a soft, masculine voice whispered in his ear. "Hey, Hot Stuff, how about a dance?"

Tatsuha grabbed the hand on his shoulder and spun the man in a graceful pirouette, letting him land, dipped, in his arms. "Sorry, Kyp. I've got business with Leon." He lifted the man back to his feet.

Kyp shook his head and wagged one long finger under Tatsuha's nose. "You're early, aren't you?"

"Yeah." Tatsuha's grin widened then. "I've got Nittle Grasper tonight."

"You got it?" Kyp asked, awe in his voice.

Tatsuha nodded. "Yep."

Kyp grabbed Tatsuha and embraced him excitedly. "Congratulations, man! I didn't think that guy would ever cave!"

Tatsuha reveled in the quick heat of Kyp's body as he pulled away. "It just took some extra convincing is all." He ran a hand through his dark hair, ruffling it appealingly. "So, is Leon here?"

Kyp gave an extravagant bow. "This way, your royal luckiness. Allow me to show you to your suite." He led Tatsuha to one of the backrooms, knocking lightly at the door before sticking his head in. "Master Leon, you have a visit from your favorite bad boy." As an afterthought he added. "He's got Nittle Grasper passes."

There was a gruff, "Come in," and Tatsuha was ushered through the door.

Tatsuha was no stranger to the procedure, or Leon, so he made himself right at home. Walking over, he sprawled himself out on the leather sofa across from the similarly dark-haired man. These visits were always amiable and often fun, and Tatsuha let his eyes drag lazily over the other man as Leon lit up a couple of smokes and passed him one.

Leon was lean, but well muscled, a little bulkier than himself, although he stood an inch or so shorter. There was a long scar across his face, which, in Tatsuha's opinion, complemented his rough, masculine beauty. Tatsuha sucked on the filter, inhaling the blessed smoke, and sighed blissfully. He waved the stick in Leon's general direction. "Thanks, man."

"Tatsuha," the voice was low, inquiring, "What are you doing here? Besides suckering me outta my smokes and scuffing my couch with your boots?" He reached over and shoved Tatsuha's feet off the leather with one semi-aggravated hand.

Tatsuha grinned and put his feet back up. "I've got Nittle Grasper tonight." He took another long hit off the cigarette. "I wanted a little extra pep."

A coil of smoke bloomed from Leon's lips. He eyes Tatsuha contemplatively. "Tatsuha, there's a reason I only sell to you once a week, you know? It's too easy to get carried away on this stuff. I don't want you getting in too deep."

Tatsuha puffed. "I know…but it's Nittle Grasper."

Leon sighed. "I know. But I can't do it, Tatsuha. I'm sorry. You're a good friend."

"Then help me out!" Tatsuha exclaimed, sitting up.

Leon shook his head. "No."

Tatsuha stubbed out the cigarette and rose to his feet. "I'll just get it somewhere else then."

Leon stood and grabbed his arm, peering harshly into Tatsuha's eyes. "Don't do something foolish, Uesugi! Drugs you get from strangers aren't worth the risk! Random druggies aren't dependable! They'll take advantage!"

"Yeah, well, it wouldn't be the first time." Tatsuha shrugged out of Leon's grasp, glaring with darkened eyes. "You should have just helped me. Thanks for the smoke." He left then without another word.

-----

There was a familiar, bitter sting, a brief burning sensation, and Tatsuha sighed with relief and pleasure, shaking his head with a manic howl. It was about damn time! And fuck Leon anyway! His blood was pumping through his veins like they were on fire, and tingling shivers of energy danced through him. Colors were brighter. Sounds were clearer. And he was ready. _Nittle Grasper, here I come_…

tbc...


End file.
